This is going to be more of a venting post then an informational post. As a Mom I try to remain strong, but sometimes that doesn't happen and the stress of life catches up with me. Today was one of those days........
After being up early, scurrying all the kids out the door to go to a doctors appointment, frantically feeding them in the van and sitting in a waiting room most of the morning, then going to the store with one of the boys ( which I enjoyed by the way, high light of the day) the stress just got to my husband "Josh" and I. Being a parent is hard anyways, much less being a parent to Autistic kids. Alot of times you feel more like a caregiver then a parent. Sometimes you don't enjoy it and alot of times after it's all said and done you just have to sit down and cry or drink. As a Mom I always imagined cute little kids that played with there cars and ran around the house playing cow boys and Indians. I expected what our jaded word so often marks as a normal kid, I for expected what you can consider as " In the box" you will often hear me refer to Autism and SPD that way, anyways that's what I expected, much like any Mom or Dad would. But when you get that news that they aren't what you expected, in a way it can be heart breaking. A parent never dreams of the challenges that are ahead of them with kiddos like ours. We ended up with kids that are "In the circle", forget the box, they broke it.
Our frustration today was that we couldn't even sit down and eat... A simple basic need , this is where the caregiver comes into play. We had to scurry up the stairs several times to put our oldest twins cloths back on " Adriel" , alternating turns so one or the other wouldn't get so overwhelmed. We spent all of 40 minutes or so doing this and this is after listening to melts for a few hours because of being gone to the doctors this morning and off routine. ( thats another issue for another blog) While rushing up and down the stairs we were also alternating turns with dealing with a whiny puppy, also an investment for the boys Autism, hopefully soon to be service dog. But after doing this my husband and I finally got sat down to food that was cold and soggy, both really too exhausted to get up and warm it up we just dealt with it and ate it like it was. When it came time to get the kids up, to be truthful we didn't really want to. We felt like we had literally just got sat down, but the river of life doesn't stop moving for anyone, even if you don't want to move.
Anyways we get them up and work on supper, for a brief moment then I slipped into depression thinking about how crazy it was that we did this on a regular basis, washing there sheets almost daily because they don't want to keep diapers on. Scrubbing poop off the walls and cribs because they played in it. Barely eating and sleeping to take care of them and I remember I have to keep my head up and my heart strong. I mean after all, if I don't stand up for them and fight for them and push myself now, how good will I be to them when they really need me. Plus I think what can I do, I can't do a thing, no one else is going to do it for me. I try to remember through me the Lord can do everything I just have to allow him. But thats a hard lesson to remember when your scrubbing poop and pee off stuff. Oh well that's our life. Thats the bad side of all this.
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