Today was the day, Finally we had gotten in for an OT evaluation. A day I was certainly excited about, but it hit me in a way I never could of imagined. I felt a feeling I hadn’t felt since I first heard the twins diagnosis. November 16th 2010 was that day. My heart sank to my feet. I never expected it to happen again.
I was sitting there in the waiting room with the boys, Adriel nicely tucked in the stroller doing his normal. Out of the corner of my eye I see this beautiful blonde hair girl with the prettiest smile I had ever seen. I wondered how such a perfect looking child ended up here. Not really thinking about how gorgeous my own are. From a distance I had no clue, but as soon as she came over to play with Elijah it suddenly became apparent. She was playing with her and Elijah had to carefully explain hide and seek to her, it taking a couple of tries and help from her Mom for her to fully get it. Her hand motions awkward, much like Adriel’s. I watched her and Elijah play a bit heartbroken. I looked at my Adriel and couldn’t help but wonder if this is what I faced. I looked at the Mom so badly wanting to ask and much to my surprise she met my look with she has Autism, my heart sank to the floor, it took all I had not to start crying. I looked at her and said Oh, she smiled at me and said your son there has Autism too, doesn’t he?! I again choked back the tears and said yes. She looked at me and said “ I wish I could tell you it got easier”, but keep your head up it will be worth it.”
Before I could say another word the twins were called back. I told her thank you waking away as shell shocked as I had done that day they were diagnosed. I can honestly say it’s truly heartbreaking for me, I hurt for them. I wish I knew how Adriel would be, I wish I could change this. But no one can tell us what the future will hold for him. I find myself now wishing I could just shove that feeling aside. I guess I’m in a bit of denial how serious Autism can be and for now I will shove that feeling as deep as I can… I can function that way. If I think about how his life will be. I’m not sure I can. I will hold out for the hope that maybe Adriel will some how beat the odds and will spend my life trying to find out how to fix this, How to untrap these kids from there own brain damage. I hold on to the hope that there will be a cure for these lower functioning kids. But for now all I can do is pray and keep fighting this. Autism that was one low blow, but don’t think you will stop me. I will fight you, you won’t win!!!!!!
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