The second shock of Autism

Today was the day, Finally we had gotten in for an OT evaluation. A day I was certainly excited about, but it hit me in a way I never could of imagined. I felt a feeling I hadn’t felt since I first heard the twins diagnosis. November 16^th 2010 was that day. My heart sank to my feet. I never expected it to happen again.

I was sitting there in the waiting room with the boys, Adriel nicely tucked in the stroller doing his normal. Out of the corner of my eye I see this beautiful blonde hair girl with the prettiest smile I had ever seen. I wondered how such a perfect looking child ended up here. Not really thinking about how gorgeous my own are. From a distance I had no clue, but as soon as she came over to play with Elijah it suddenly became apparent. She was playing with her and Elijah had to carefully explain hide and seek to her, it taking a couple of tries and help from her Mom for her to fully get it. Her hand motions awkward, much like Adriel’s. I watched her and Elijah play a bit heartbroken. I looked at my Adriel and couldn’t help but wonder if this is what I faced. I looked at the Mom so badly wanting to ask and much to my surprise she met my look with she has Autism, my heart sank to the floor, it took all I had not to start crying. I looked at her and said Oh, she smiled at me and said your son there has Autism too, doesn’t he?! I again choked back the tears and said yes. She looked at me and said “ I wish I could tell you it got easier”, but keep your head up it will be worth it.”

Before I could say another word the twins were called back. I told her thank you waking away as shell shocked as I had done that day they were diagnosed. I can honestly say it’s truly heartbreaking for me, I hurt for them. I wish I knew how Adriel would be, I wish I could change this. But no one can tell us what the future will hold for him. I find myself now wishing I could just shove that feeling aside. I guess I’m in a bit of denial how serious Autism can be and for now I will shove that feeling as deep as I can… I can function that way. If I think about how his life will be. I’m not sure I can. I will hold out for the hope that maybe Adriel will some how beat the odds and will spend my life trying to find out how to fix this, How to untrap these kids from there own brain damage. I hold on to the hope that there will be a cure for these lower functioning kids. But for now all I can do is pray and keep fighting this. Autism that was one low blow, but don’t think you will stop me. I will fight you, you won’t win!!!!!!

Mother's Day for an Autistic Mom.

Mother's Day like most holidays is almost dreaded at times. You wake up expecting the normal melts, frustration, and at least for my kids them going into there own world. Alot of holidays are often met with disappointment at the fact they don't really seem to know or care whats going on. But there are those occasional few.

For me it was Mother's day!!! Much to my surprise the boys did not melt. I was brought my breakfast in our bathroom, it was made for me by my awesome husband, I was suppose to eat in bed. But ended up eating it down stairs on the couch. I was skeptical at how it would turn out, fearful my drinks or food would be destroyed or spilled everywhere. But much to my surprise it wasn't. The boys made me little flower pens in school with bath salts in little hearts, I had Josh help the boys bring them to me one at a time. I was almost sure I would be met with them throwing them at me or worse melting because Dad interupted there play. There was a small bit of crying, but not alot.

Mathias was first, crying a bit when Dad took cereal from him that he had collected off the floor, but soon cheering up and sitting on the couch with me as I opened his gift. I got several good kisses from him without asking, cheering him on as I always do for an appropriate skill. I even got to hear him say " A Flower " as he approached the table where they were sitting. It may not seem like much to an average Mom, but those little things meant the world to me.

Adriel brought me his flower, still very much so in his own world but out of it just enough to still be himself. He did surprising enough cuddle with me, going over to touch the flower and hearts with bath salt in it a time or too. But the amazing thing is he sat down with me for a little while and cuddled. Not running off to get into the next bought of trouble, but sitting with me. Another big step for us. Another small action that meant the world.

Elijah did melt initially, he was frustrated because Dad interrupted him while he was making his breakfast. But he soon recovered after a few minutes of crying quietly on the rocking chair. He brought me his flower and cuddled with me. For Elijah he often does cuddle but is often a little to rough hurting me unintentionally when cuddling.This time he was very gentle, cuddling me like I was fragile. Another big step for one of my little men.

To an average Mom everything listed above wouldn't mean much, but to me it's a big step in the right direction. For a little while everything seemed normal and the battle I fight every day just faded away. Just for a very little while I felt like I had average kids that actually knew what this holiday was about and for all I know the twins do, they just can't communicate it. It was by far one of my 3 favorite Mother's Day ever.

If I had to rank it I would have to put the flowers my grandpa picked for me my very first Mother's day top.

This one second!!

And the Mother's Day I got my camera third.

All and all it's a great Mothers Day.

Happy Mothers Day to all my Autistic Mom's. May this Mother's day bring you happiness and a sense of normalcy.

Therapy, Whoo Hoo, Something to get excited about!!!!

To most people therapy is often not something to be excited about, it's often something we grumble and groan about. Not looking forward to the pain and soreness it will cause us. But to a kid with Autism, it's something that makes them feel better and to the parents it's a joyous triumph in the battle of Autism. After calls and tons of paperwork and what sometimes can feel like a long wait. You are a victor in the long war.

For us the first step in helping my kids, is this Thursday at one. I'm very excited to see the changes in them and pray they will be great ones. Surprising how therapy can make me as a Mom so very excited and will help my kids feel better!!!!

What is Autism?

What is Autism? You hear the word, you see it on commertials or see the people outside of stores passing out fliers, magnets and bracelets. But do you really know what Autism is? Most people throw a dollar in the jar, glance at the article in the news, but thats just about it. Until your directly affected by it it's just another word. But with the statistics it may pay to know about it. Now in the United States 1 in 100 kids will be diagnosed. In the United States 1 in 75 boys are diagnosed. In Washington state 1 in 50 boys are diagnosed. Autism now is more common then most childhood cancers, but less is known about it.

How can you help? It really doesn't take that much. Maybe you've heard someone close to you has Autism, someone in your church, someone you work with has a kid with it, or maybe even a neighbor down the road. Why not stop by to say Hi, do you want to talk? Or call them, maybe even text. Bring them a plate of cookies or ask them how you can help.

What is Autism? To the child that suffers with it, it is a challenge, a struggle they battle with every day. If it is accompanied by Sensory Processing Disorder, it is painful. If it is accompanied by ADHD it is hard to focus and everyday task that are easy to the average kids are 10 times harder for these kids. Sometimes it's hard to fit in, these kids are often teased by there peers and in some neighborhoods can't even come out of there homes for fear the neighbor kids will tease or pick on them. If they have no words its the thing that traps them inside there own bodies, people around them talk about them but think they don't know hear them. They hear the adults around them say they don't want them there. To these kids this is a pain they can feel but not express.

What is Autism? To the parent or caregiver that faces it every day it is a painful thankless job. It is the barrier that comes between you and your child. It is the pain you wish you could take away and the stress you know they feel. To the parent of a kid with Autism it is the hardest thing in the world. You would give anything to change the world for them. You love them but often don't hear the words. For the parents of Autism it's the loss of a normal kid. Often if the symptoms come out later in life it is the loss of the child you knew.

Who are these kids, who are these parents. Who are they without the label. They are everyday people who got given a challenge. They are Mom's, Dads , and caregivers who are strong fighters , representatives of these kids. They are people to be admired. These kids are kids who often " think outside the box and in the circle". They are kids who give kisses in weird ways and who often can tell you ever detail of Thomas the train or a video game Who are these kids as adults. Artists like Vincient Van Gogh. Inventors like Eienstein. Computer geniuses like Bill Gates. These kids see the world in a different way and often teach there parents. These kids are the most honest, innocent of Gods creations. These are Gods little soldiers and the parents often Generals.

What is Autism? Who is Autism? Elijah, Adriel, and Mathias Hodges are Autism. I am the Mom who fights it. I am there re presenter.

Who are these kids without the label.

Elijah is a delightful little boy, he has a memory thats amazing, is awesome in math and language often spurting out the biggest most mature words you will hear and loves his Mom, Dad and sister very much. He is the greatest big brother around.

Adriel is the most forgiving, accepting, lovable little boy in the world. He doesn't say understandable words but when he says something he says alot. He does funny things with his hands and loves his kitty, stacking blocks and yellow truck. Adriel despite the label always has a smile on his face. He is very innocent and I believe the closest thing I've seen to pure innocence. He loves food and is always running about.

Mathias is a spunky fun loving boy. He loves books and drawing, often reffered to as "Goo circles". Mathias is a Momma's boy and is the most delightful little boy to have on your lap when your reading a book, sinking into your arms. Mathias is a problem solver and will stand up for himself. He is often the kid torturing his sister or older twin Adriel. But I guarantee when he's older if someone messes with his siblings , he will be the first to react. Mathias says few words and often mimics. He loves kisses and fives and is the best hugger around.

I am a hard working Mom, a wife, and a country girl. I love gardening, occasionally going for the pedicure, I like a glass of wine from time to time and a beer too. I like hunting, fishing and hiking. I love animals

What is Autism? A brain injury. Who are we? The people effected by it. Now ask yourself, What is Autism? Do you really know.