Adriel, One step forward, Three steps back. A loss of services.

So as many of our friends and family know we have been doing an in home therapy program with our boys Adriel and Mathias. Our therapy recently took a wrong turn, and Adriel has in a way pulled further back in him self . Despite mine and the In home nurses best efforts her bond with Adriel dissipated rapidly and caused him to pull back into him self. I am not sure what happened but unfortunetly there is nothing I can do about it now, I just have to move forward and try again. I knew there was a possibility of this, but it surprised me how quickly Adriel rejected someone who he had seemed to bond with quickly. This may complicate things in the program and it's gonna take alot of prayer and the Lords help in finding the right volunteers to come in and work with him.

Adriel not only lost his nurse but also lost his speech therapy services at childrens therapy unit. He refused to attend with the speech therapist or even allow her to play with him, so she had to put him back on the waiting list. Our insurance refused to pay for something where there was no marked progress. This is also a big loss seeing as how it took six months just to get him in and it was lost in under 2 months, though he doesn't go back on the big waiting list he does go back on the small one. Weekly reviews with the speech therapist will help us both gauge when he is ready to get back into it.

For me as a Mom this has been a hard thing to watch, it in alot of ways is almost like loosing him all over again and though he hasn't lost everything what he has are things that we worked for months to get.

Adriel has regressed in eye contact by 5 seconds ( though this doesn't seem like much for an autistic kid 5 seconds is a big loss) Adriel went from being interactive 75% of the time during play to under 15%. He has pulled back into his world, made no word progress and has began shutting out his Occupation Therapist, has shut out his Speech Therapist and refused his care aid. He has even pushed me as Mom out a little bit. It's a hard thing.

This problem became serious enough rapidly enough that the speech therapist highly recommended doing ABA therapy which for now I would prefer to avoid. You treat Autism as a behavioral issues not a social... It is not behavioral it is social and it's not a kid friendly approach. So for now I stand firm in my choice to do Son - Rise, and pray that we will find the right volunteers and nurses to help us and maybe not loose him further...

I won't stop fighting...

Love you Adriel!!!!!!!

Mom.

Son - Rise Program 5 Days and counting.

We finally have the son - rise program going and the therapy has been intensive, I've seen great strides in only 5 days. Five days, Occupation therapy was making progress, in 2 months we've seen some progress, but Son - rise in five days has made amazing strides. The change is remarkable. I as a Mom am floating on air... I feel so very happy. I'm seeing my little boys again and it's great.

Adriel in 5 days has made progress in eye contact, sustaining it from 5 seconds when the program first started to a regular 15 second time span. To the average Mom and Dad this doesn't sound like much but for an Autistic kid this is amazing progress, and in only five days. Adriel seems happier and more lively. Adriel tonight said ball and identified 2 different balls correctly with only being told what the item is once. He also tried to interact with me with it... Though he didn't quiet get the concept he made an effort, he ended up kicking it around the room, which is more then he's ever done with a ball. It's amazing. Adriel also gave both Dad and I the first kiss we ever had from him last night... Our first kiss from our Autistic son.

Mathias didn't seem to be making the same strides, but with his sleeping issues I thought it was expected. But tonight he proved me wrong, He picked up a ball tossed it at me hitting me in the forehead and ran off. I promoted him asking him if he wanted to play catch, he happily said catch and tossed the ball at me. He went about this several times. I asked him one time to find a ball for me, he looked around I thought he wasn't gonna find one, he did he found one from beside the toy box and brought it to me. The very first 1 step direction he has ever followed. Mathias in the last few days has been full of kisses and hugs for all the caregivers and for us, willingly without asking. Mathias even said Hi to Dad when he came in from work to come see him, and gave him a kiss. Looking at these kids they are not the same kids that they were 5 days ago. Praise God from this program

I am a Mom that is walking on sunshine right now.... Strides that seem so small to most but big to us... The Son - rise program will continue.


I'm one happy Mommy.....

Mathias in 5 days has made progress but I didn't think quiet as much.

What is Autism Part 2:

I'm doing this post again, just in a different form. This post is for our church family and our friends in Washington. For all of those who have been with us through this diagnosis and the effects and tolls it's taken on us personally and our children and who are still with us on each step we take to rehabilitate the boys. I would love to let you guys know how it is to have kiddos like this. Try to explain in a way that is easier to understand, you hear Autism and you know that it's a disorder that alot of kids suffer from. It's one thing to know what it is and to know how it effects Josh, I and our family as a whole and so many families with kids effected by Autism and Autism spectrum disorders.

First place to start......

What is Autism?

Autism is a form of a brain damage, no one knows what causes it and no knows why it's becoming more and more common. There are several speculations of what causes it but nothing concrete. Plus knowing what causes it isn't really going to change the fact these kids have it. While knowing is a step to reducing the amount of kids that have it, it will never stop all of it.

Autism is a form a brain damage that effects the part of the brain that controls a childs social and emotional development. It's usually effects other area's of development to but this is the major part of it.

Now that you know what it is.........

How does it effect the Hodges family and families like ours?

Imagine right now that your child, if you have one or a sibling develop typically. You see smile, they hit all of there milestones, sitting up, crawling, even talking. Then all of a sudden they start loosing all of it, or start loosing everything they learned gradually. Mainly words, looking at you or hugging you, forms of emotion, all gone in the blink of an eye.

Look at your child and think about what you would do or how you would feel if they just stopped talking, I know you think it's annoying sometimes, but think of how you would feel if they stopped saying "Mommy, Daddy " I love you". Think about if you went to hug them and they didn't hug you back. Think about not having this and still having to take care of them everyday and not getting those little things you look forward too. Think about them not being able to really look at you for longer then 2 seconds or looking at you at all.

Now we hit the social/ emotional piece every parent with a typically developing child get every day. Imagine 2 to 3 years like this.

The second part that effects the siblings, playing!!!!

Now look at how your typically developing son or daughter feel, again if you have one. You can imagine how this is for your brothers or sisters. It even effects Mom and Dad but not nearly as bad. Again you see the same pattern. Your son, daughter or sibling play with toy cars, dolls, play catch like every other child, then all of a sudden it's gone.

They no longer play with the cars, but line them up, or spin them in a circle. They no longer play with there dolls and there siblings no longer exist to them. They don't play with them, if there siblings or even Mom and Dad try to play with them, they either move away or scream or sometimes not even recognize your there. Now imagine the social / emotion piece with this.

Now that I've covered the Imaginary play..... Yes theres more, if these two were not enough.


The third part of this that effects the whole family and those out in public.

Again think about your child, look at them and think of all the places you take them. Autistic kids much like the characteristics I've listed above do this normally too, to start..... You can take them in a store, the coo, play, or point to the toys on the shelf, maybe even saying the word in the appropriate context. ( Ball, to a ball on the shelf.)

Now imagine going into a store and just by walking into this store your kid starts screaming and crying. Having a temper tantrum. Now imagine the embarrassment, judgment and harsh words from those people around you. Or imagine that there repetitive behavior that is okay at home is demonstrated at the store. Maybe there thing is putting there hands in front of there face in a weird way while humming. Now you have this in the store, anywhere you try to go you get this. Sometimes worse in certain stores due to the lights, the amount of people that are there, the noise from the intercoms or even the smells. Imagine the people walking by thinking you just have a spoiled rotten child, not understanding it's not your fault or theirs. Now put in the fact that you have no choice you have to go... Or that it gets so bad it now effects everything you do, going to church, spending time with your husband or wife, because you have to stop trips out during the day and wait til they come home. Think about how isolated you feel, if your a stay at home Mom this isolation is worse. If you work this stress becomes overwhelming.

Now I've hit the aspect so many people very often take for granted, just going out to the store.

Now the forth way it effects families, but definitely not the last, but the last I will cover for now.... Damage of personal property and physical injury either to self or caregiver and siblings.

Again we go back to looking at your typically developing child, they change and if the above changes is not enough. You have the destruction of personal property and hurting those around them. Your child before this change didn't break things on purpose or near as often, they didn't hurt you on a regular basis, these were minor behaviors you occasionally saw.

Now all of a sudden they are throwing toys at windows and breaking them, they are bitting chairs often stripping the wood off of them. They are breacking toys, staining carpet by peeing on it or destroying dry wall by smearing poop. They are pulling there dresser draws out and dumping there cloths or pulling the nursery decor off the wall you put up when you were pregnant, that you put up so carefully. Imagine how hard this is, you try to discipline them and it makes it worse til you understand why they do it. Imagine your grandmothers prized china getting broke. Now think of the cost. Now not only has this become an emotional burden, problem or distress, but it's become a finical one too.

Now the physical piece. Your child that before never hurt you on purpose, melts, screams and cries. They bite you, hit you or kick you when they have a melt. Again you try to discipline for this, but it makes it worse. Now as a parent or sibling or caregiver you feel personally attacked. You not only feel emotionally disconnected from your child but now you feel physically disconnected from your child. Taking regular injury anytime something for your child is too much, and it's not even your fault or theirs. It's just the Autism. Now imagine your kid when they get stressed or upset biting themselves or banging there head on the wall or floor imagine the concern as a parent of them hurting themselves very badly.

This is definitely not the last thing families like ours go through, I could go into so much more. But these are the basics that most parents don't think about and take for granted. Often our friends and families around us don't understand.

A few more I won't get into detail about to think about would be
- Therapy's and doctor bills
- The constant negative reviews, teacher meetings and doctors feed back of your child's condition.
- The sacrifices the typically developing kids make, because there siblings have Autism.

And if again the above wasn't overwhelming for you there is so much more.

This is what my husband Josh, my typically developing kids Elijah and Ellie and I as a Mom, Jasmine go through every day.

I write this to help all our friends and family understand how hard this is for us... It's hard for those around us to support what they don't know. We want to help all of you guys understand so we won't be as alone in this. We need your guys's support in anyway it can be given and appreciate all the help and prayers thus far that has been given. Thank you for being there and if you read this, thank you for taking the time out of your day just to read this. It means so much to us. Thank you again and hope this helps

Sincerely
The Hodges and many other families out there like us.

(Please keep in mind there are higher functioning kids out there, but alot of the above is still part of daily lives for those who have these kids too.)

Son - Rise. The Start . Great!!!

I never thought I would see the end of the tunnel with Autism, I always heard there was no cure and thought there was no alternative. I thought Adriel and Mathias would be this way the rest of there lives. That was until someone mentioned a in home program and stressed how important it was for me to start one. ( Thank You Linda Zint for pushing me into this)

So I did research, read a little bit about a few programs, but none of them made sense to me or seemed so abrasive. Except one, for once something made sense, something sounded right. This program believes that Autism is a brain injury effecting the part of the brain that controls social interaction and building relationships. There program incorporates play and a kids favorite toy, activity or 'ism" and Mom or Dad and some volunteers. ( Ism can also be known as a kids steming behavior).

Long story short I requested some information, had a phone consult and decided that this was the program. for the boys. Today was the 2nd day that I've done the program for 30 minutes with each kid. (Adriel and Mathias) I honestly didn't think I would see results for weeks, months or possibly years. But much to my surprise I've seen results in only days. Amazing considering where the boys are developmentally. The even more surprising thing is who reacted to the program the best.

Day 1
Adriel: So the first day I picked out a toy, the toy I picked out was legos. Adriel use to love these but didn't seem to pay much attention to them. Running by to occasionally kick them. My 30 minutes with Adriel was spent running about the room staring out the window and with him playing in the ball pit while I sat outside of it trying to mimic him. Pretty much did his "ism".

Mathias: Mathias's program session was a lot like Adriel. Only difference was Mathias and I sat down spending time putting Lego's in a row and occasionally running around the room, but soon returning to the activity of lining the Lego's up. Mathias's activity was certainly more difficult then Adriels and kept me thinking and was harder to follow. Again much like his brother Pretty much he just did his "ism".

Day 2
Adriel: The 2nd day went better. I pulled out a few toys I knew he liked, sat them in the middle of the room and we went upstairs to play. Adriel grabbed a handful and quickly did his "ism" ( running around with a hand ful of toys) . I followed. We did this for about 10 minutes and I noticed progress. The eye contact started at a little picnic type table, while stooped over it. I praised him and eventually it went to play. Him pushing on me with his hand to get me to fall over, I would quickly spring up and he would do it again, smiling and laughing. I even got to incorporate some of my play into his play. It was by far amazing. During our session he did several more activities that were amazing and are very unlike him. He socialized with me!!! After our session Josh reports that Adriel said cookie, Dad said he actually identified a cookie that he was holding getting ready to give it to Ellie.. Adriel also danced, something I have never seen him do, he normally can't stand music and often screams, cry's or covers his ears. Not tonight he danced with brother, sister, Josh and myself. Everyday may not be like this, but this day was the best I've had with Adriel in a while. I'm walking on sunshine!!!!

Mathias:
Mathias's second day was much like the first. This time he got more challenging and tried to turn away from me. I kept with it, had a smile on my face and kept myself thinking positively and pushed on. I'm very surprised to see Mathias is the one who is struggling, but it won't stop me from keeping on with the program. I will reach him no matter how long it takes, plus who knows, that good day may be right around the corner. If I stop now I will never know. Plus what do I have to loose?

The second shock of Autism

Today was the day, Finally we had gotten in for an OT evaluation. A day I was certainly excited about, but it hit me in a way I never could of imagined. I felt a feeling I hadn’t felt since I first heard the twins diagnosis. November 16^th 2010 was that day. My heart sank to my feet. I never expected it to happen again.

I was sitting there in the waiting room with the boys, Adriel nicely tucked in the stroller doing his normal. Out of the corner of my eye I see this beautiful blonde hair girl with the prettiest smile I had ever seen. I wondered how such a perfect looking child ended up here. Not really thinking about how gorgeous my own are. From a distance I had no clue, but as soon as she came over to play with Elijah it suddenly became apparent. She was playing with her and Elijah had to carefully explain hide and seek to her, it taking a couple of tries and help from her Mom for her to fully get it. Her hand motions awkward, much like Adriel’s. I watched her and Elijah play a bit heartbroken. I looked at my Adriel and couldn’t help but wonder if this is what I faced. I looked at the Mom so badly wanting to ask and much to my surprise she met my look with she has Autism, my heart sank to the floor, it took all I had not to start crying. I looked at her and said Oh, she smiled at me and said your son there has Autism too, doesn’t he?! I again choked back the tears and said yes. She looked at me and said “ I wish I could tell you it got easier”, but keep your head up it will be worth it.”

Before I could say another word the twins were called back. I told her thank you waking away as shell shocked as I had done that day they were diagnosed. I can honestly say it’s truly heartbreaking for me, I hurt for them. I wish I knew how Adriel would be, I wish I could change this. But no one can tell us what the future will hold for him. I find myself now wishing I could just shove that feeling aside. I guess I’m in a bit of denial how serious Autism can be and for now I will shove that feeling as deep as I can… I can function that way. If I think about how his life will be. I’m not sure I can. I will hold out for the hope that maybe Adriel will some how beat the odds and will spend my life trying to find out how to fix this, How to untrap these kids from there own brain damage. I hold on to the hope that there will be a cure for these lower functioning kids. But for now all I can do is pray and keep fighting this. Autism that was one low blow, but don’t think you will stop me. I will fight you, you won’t win!!!!!!

Mother's Day for an Autistic Mom.

Mother's Day like most holidays is almost dreaded at times. You wake up expecting the normal melts, frustration, and at least for my kids them going into there own world. Alot of holidays are often met with disappointment at the fact they don't really seem to know or care whats going on. But there are those occasional few.

For me it was Mother's day!!! Much to my surprise the boys did not melt. I was brought my breakfast in our bathroom, it was made for me by my awesome husband, I was suppose to eat in bed. But ended up eating it down stairs on the couch. I was skeptical at how it would turn out, fearful my drinks or food would be destroyed or spilled everywhere. But much to my surprise it wasn't. The boys made me little flower pens in school with bath salts in little hearts, I had Josh help the boys bring them to me one at a time. I was almost sure I would be met with them throwing them at me or worse melting because Dad interupted there play. There was a small bit of crying, but not alot.

Mathias was first, crying a bit when Dad took cereal from him that he had collected off the floor, but soon cheering up and sitting on the couch with me as I opened his gift. I got several good kisses from him without asking, cheering him on as I always do for an appropriate skill. I even got to hear him say " A Flower " as he approached the table where they were sitting. It may not seem like much to an average Mom, but those little things meant the world to me.

Adriel brought me his flower, still very much so in his own world but out of it just enough to still be himself. He did surprising enough cuddle with me, going over to touch the flower and hearts with bath salt in it a time or too. But the amazing thing is he sat down with me for a little while and cuddled. Not running off to get into the next bought of trouble, but sitting with me. Another big step for us. Another small action that meant the world.

Elijah did melt initially, he was frustrated because Dad interrupted him while he was making his breakfast. But he soon recovered after a few minutes of crying quietly on the rocking chair. He brought me his flower and cuddled with me. For Elijah he often does cuddle but is often a little to rough hurting me unintentionally when cuddling.This time he was very gentle, cuddling me like I was fragile. Another big step for one of my little men.

To an average Mom everything listed above wouldn't mean much, but to me it's a big step in the right direction. For a little while everything seemed normal and the battle I fight every day just faded away. Just for a very little while I felt like I had average kids that actually knew what this holiday was about and for all I know the twins do, they just can't communicate it. It was by far one of my 3 favorite Mother's Day ever.

If I had to rank it I would have to put the flowers my grandpa picked for me my very first Mother's day top.

This one second!!

And the Mother's Day I got my camera third.

All and all it's a great Mothers Day.

Happy Mothers Day to all my Autistic Mom's. May this Mother's day bring you happiness and a sense of normalcy.

Therapy, Whoo Hoo, Something to get excited about!!!!

To most people therapy is often not something to be excited about, it's often something we grumble and groan about. Not looking forward to the pain and soreness it will cause us. But to a kid with Autism, it's something that makes them feel better and to the parents it's a joyous triumph in the battle of Autism. After calls and tons of paperwork and what sometimes can feel like a long wait. You are a victor in the long war.

For us the first step in helping my kids, is this Thursday at one. I'm very excited to see the changes in them and pray they will be great ones. Surprising how therapy can make me as a Mom so very excited and will help my kids feel better!!!!

What is Autism?

What is Autism? You hear the word, you see it on commertials or see the people outside of stores passing out fliers, magnets and bracelets. But do you really know what Autism is? Most people throw a dollar in the jar, glance at the article in the news, but thats just about it. Until your directly affected by it it's just another word. But with the statistics it may pay to know about it. Now in the United States 1 in 100 kids will be diagnosed. In the United States 1 in 75 boys are diagnosed. In Washington state 1 in 50 boys are diagnosed. Autism now is more common then most childhood cancers, but less is known about it.

How can you help? It really doesn't take that much. Maybe you've heard someone close to you has Autism, someone in your church, someone you work with has a kid with it, or maybe even a neighbor down the road. Why not stop by to say Hi, do you want to talk? Or call them, maybe even text. Bring them a plate of cookies or ask them how you can help.

What is Autism? To the child that suffers with it, it is a challenge, a struggle they battle with every day. If it is accompanied by Sensory Processing Disorder, it is painful. If it is accompanied by ADHD it is hard to focus and everyday task that are easy to the average kids are 10 times harder for these kids. Sometimes it's hard to fit in, these kids are often teased by there peers and in some neighborhoods can't even come out of there homes for fear the neighbor kids will tease or pick on them. If they have no words its the thing that traps them inside there own bodies, people around them talk about them but think they don't know hear them. They hear the adults around them say they don't want them there. To these kids this is a pain they can feel but not express.

What is Autism? To the parent or caregiver that faces it every day it is a painful thankless job. It is the barrier that comes between you and your child. It is the pain you wish you could take away and the stress you know they feel. To the parent of a kid with Autism it is the hardest thing in the world. You would give anything to change the world for them. You love them but often don't hear the words. For the parents of Autism it's the loss of a normal kid. Often if the symptoms come out later in life it is the loss of the child you knew.

Who are these kids, who are these parents. Who are they without the label. They are everyday people who got given a challenge. They are Mom's, Dads , and caregivers who are strong fighters , representatives of these kids. They are people to be admired. These kids are kids who often " think outside the box and in the circle". They are kids who give kisses in weird ways and who often can tell you ever detail of Thomas the train or a video game Who are these kids as adults. Artists like Vincient Van Gogh. Inventors like Eienstein. Computer geniuses like Bill Gates. These kids see the world in a different way and often teach there parents. These kids are the most honest, innocent of Gods creations. These are Gods little soldiers and the parents often Generals.

What is Autism? Who is Autism? Elijah, Adriel, and Mathias Hodges are Autism. I am the Mom who fights it. I am there re presenter.

Who are these kids without the label.

Elijah is a delightful little boy, he has a memory thats amazing, is awesome in math and language often spurting out the biggest most mature words you will hear and loves his Mom, Dad and sister very much. He is the greatest big brother around.

Adriel is the most forgiving, accepting, lovable little boy in the world. He doesn't say understandable words but when he says something he says alot. He does funny things with his hands and loves his kitty, stacking blocks and yellow truck. Adriel despite the label always has a smile on his face. He is very innocent and I believe the closest thing I've seen to pure innocence. He loves food and is always running about.

Mathias is a spunky fun loving boy. He loves books and drawing, often reffered to as "Goo circles". Mathias is a Momma's boy and is the most delightful little boy to have on your lap when your reading a book, sinking into your arms. Mathias is a problem solver and will stand up for himself. He is often the kid torturing his sister or older twin Adriel. But I guarantee when he's older if someone messes with his siblings , he will be the first to react. Mathias says few words and often mimics. He loves kisses and fives and is the best hugger around.

I am a hard working Mom, a wife, and a country girl. I love gardening, occasionally going for the pedicure, I like a glass of wine from time to time and a beer too. I like hunting, fishing and hiking. I love animals

What is Autism? A brain injury. Who are we? The people effected by it. Now ask yourself, What is Autism? Do you really know.

Picture Belt, A way to make them talk?

The other day after Mathias had a melt, I decided something needed to be done. I couldn't take another melt like this. So determined to find a solution I called an wrote friends of mine that have older Autistic kids. I got some pretty good ideals and even some ideals of what to do in the store. But it ultimatly comes down to with my kids and they don't tolerate change. My boys thrive on schedule and predictability and the only thing I can think of that would cause the melt is unpredictability. Another friend suggested the PEC system. Or basically a picture system. She gave me an ideal of how she did it and I took that ideal and altered it to fit our lives better. Carrying around a large story board wasn't going to be an option for me, I mean I can barely remember to carry around my water bottle so I drink enough water during the day much less a huge board. The thought of it was inconvenient, much less doing it. So I took the advice given and altered it to what fit me and my kids best. The solution: A tool belt!!! Yes I said it a tool belt, an Autistic tool belt, one that consists of photos of our day.

How does it work. I basically found an old belt I didn't care if it got ruined and put velcro on it. I already had velcro photos for a prior schedule ideal that I used and thus starts the tool belt. I wear it all day while the twins are awake. When there is any change in routine I show a photo of the upcoming change to help them adjust. I do this with any change all throughout the day.

Thus far it's working and as long as we don't get to crazy and venture way of track that I don't have photos for. Then they seem to do well. It's also encouraging speech and when I do it right, the boys are an absolute delight to be around. Something something so tiny can make a big difference.

Stressful Day.

This is going to be more of a venting post then an informational post. As a Mom I try to remain strong, but sometimes that doesn't happen and the stress of life catches up with me. Today was one of those days........

After being up early, scurrying all the kids out the door to go to a doctors appointment, frantically feeding them in the van and sitting in a waiting room most of the morning, then going to the store with one of the boys ( which I enjoyed by the way, high light of the day) the stress just got to my husband "Josh" and I. Being a parent is hard anyways, much less being a parent to Autistic kids. Alot of times you feel more like a caregiver then a parent. Sometimes you don't enjoy it and alot of times after it's all said and done you just have to sit down and cry or drink. As a Mom I always imagined cute little kids that played with there cars and ran around the house playing cow boys and Indians. I expected what our jaded word so often marks as a normal kid, I for expected what you can consider as " In the box" you will often hear me refer to Autism and SPD that way, anyways that's what I expected, much like any Mom or Dad would. But when you get that news that they aren't what you expected, in a way it can be heart breaking. A parent never dreams of the challenges that are ahead of them with kiddos like ours. We ended up with kids that are "In the circle", forget the box, they broke it.

Our frustration today was that we couldn't even sit down and eat... A simple basic need , this is where the caregiver comes into play. We had to scurry up the stairs several times to put our oldest twins cloths back on " Adriel" , alternating turns so one or the other wouldn't get so overwhelmed. We spent all of 40 minutes or so doing this and this is after listening to melts for a few hours because of being gone to the doctors this morning and off routine. ( thats another issue for another blog) While rushing up and down the stairs we were also alternating turns with dealing with a whiny puppy, also an investment for the boys Autism, hopefully soon to be service dog. But after doing this my husband and I finally got sat down to food that was cold and soggy, both really too exhausted to get up and warm it up we just dealt with it and ate it like it was. When it came time to get the kids up, to be truthful we didn't really want to. We felt like we had literally just got sat down, but the river of life doesn't stop moving for anyone, even if you don't want to move.

Anyways we get them up and work on supper, for a brief moment then I slipped into depression thinking about how crazy it was that we did this on a regular basis, washing there sheets almost daily because they don't want to keep diapers on. Scrubbing poop off the walls and cribs because they played in it. Barely eating and sleeping to take care of them and I remember I have to keep my head up and my heart strong. I mean after all, if I don't stand up for them and fight for them and push myself now, how good will I be to them when they really need me. Plus I think what can I do, I can't do a thing, no one else is going to do it for me. I try to remember through me the Lord can do everything I just have to allow him. But thats a hard lesson to remember when your scrubbing poop and pee off stuff. Oh well that's our life. Thats the bad side of all this.

My Shoping Trip with Mathias.

Very rarely do I get to do things like this and today I actually didn't want to take any of the kids, I just wanted to leave the screaming craziness of our day behind for a little while. But knowing my husband wouldn't get a break I decided to take the most complicated of our twins, Mathias, AKA Goo, AKA trouble maker. I took him grocery shopping with me.

We headed to the door me repeating bye bye to him and we headed for the van. When I loaded Mathias in the van he seemed excited to get to sit in big brothers car seat, a glow in his eyes.
That glow got even brighter as I closed the van door and hopped in. He looked around realizing it was just going to be him this time. He started chattering in his own language. We got to the store and I saw the spring flowers out on display, Mathias and I took a look at them carefully inspecting them. He violently ripped the head off one of the flowers, I quickly corrected him and said " oh no we have to be easy, see just like this", gently touching the flowers to show him how to touch them. We looked at each different flower, him repeating flower, oww flower over and over again as we looked at them. Next into Winco straight to the produce section where I browsed the fruits deciding what this weeks selection would be for us. I went along showing Mathias each fruit and talking about it with him. He thought the nectarine was an apple and repeated it alot, despite me correcting him. Then off to get bananas... Goo chatter bananas and apples, bananas and apples. Then we passed oranges, Mathias excitedly exclaimed ball and proceeded to throw the orange on the ground. As we made our way through the store and looked at stuff, Mathias decided to get comfortable and kicked off his shoes, a lady came buy and picked them up handing them to Mathias. As she walked away Mathias threw them in her direction and laughed, I tried my best to correct him but couldn't help but to laugh at how silly he was. We talked all the way through the store about stuff and he just seemed to bloom, his face glowing the hole time. He rewarded me by often coming close to hug me or puckering his lips to kiss me. This made my heart fly... he even held my hand at one point. Amazing how something you dread so much can become actually a very pleasant experience. I'm glad I took him. Maybe trips like this will have to happen more often.

Adriel and Mathias Genetisist appointment. January 19th 2011

Adriel ( Autistic)

Mathias ( Autism Spectrum)

In the midst of the Autism diagnosis we have been on the hunt to find out why the boys have Autism in this hunt genetic testing was done to see if there were any added or deleted chromosomes. In the boys case the test came back with a missing chromosome 10, we were told by the doctor that this was normal, but he would refer us to a geneticist if we liked. I insisted that we see one because even a portion of something in the boys genes missing doesn't seem right to me. So after a long awaited call from Dr Hood, we got things set up and running.

At the appointment again the normal weights and heights. I don't remember the boys heights but I do remember there weights. Adriel was 32lbs and Mathias was 29lbs. Then in to talk to the doctor and get questions answered. The doctor explained to us about genes and how they worked, she examined the boys and we talked for a bit. The doctor informed us that the reason why they consider the piece of the choromsome that the boys are missing normal is because they don't really know enough about it to know if it does actually cause health problems that the boys are having. They are still learning, so we proceeded to ask why the boys have Autism. The doctor explained to us some of the possible reasons but said that only about 25% of the population that has Autism know why. Most of the time it's unknown to why someone has it. With knowing those statics she asked if we wanted more tests ran, blood and urine to test for metabolic differences or vitamin deficiencies. She again reminded is this might be a wild goose chase. Josh and I agreed though and requested the testing be done. They asked if we could do it on just one and we agreed this would be acceptable, if something come back on Adriel ( the one we had the tests done on) then they will test the other. In the discussion with the geneticist she did notate that the missing part of the chromosome was the same in both kids and asked if we knew for sure that they were fraternal twins. We just assumed they were, we couldn't remember being told otherwise. So we thought they were. The geneticist is now question that as it is very odd for the exact same piece be missing in 2 different individuals. ( Keep in mind fraternal twins are basically 2 separate eggs/ separate people. Where identical is basically 2 copies of the same people or one egg that split into 2 of the same egg. ) So she believes they might be identical. I'm not sure what I think as Mom. I believe they are fraternal, but only time will tell.

So after a long discussion with the doctor the lab tests were ordered and we started the testing. They took blood from Adriel who was a trooper and then wanted us to get a urine sample. We meant to get it sooner rather then later but frantically ended up getting it a few days later during Ellies appointment, but thats a story for Josh to tell. Anyways we got the urine sample and now we wait. We were told that the tests will trickle in one by one at different intervals. But we will know the results on all of them in three weeks. We are honestly hoping to be that 25% that knows why. With all of our kiddos have developmental delays or motor delays we feel theirs something going on we don't know about and we need to know what. No matter what the results are we are a family and we are in this better or worse. We will take it as we always do, one minute at a time and keep praying.... I mean, God already knows the answers, so why worry.

The good, the bad and the melts. Introduction Blog.

Hey everyone and welcome to my blog, I started this blog because I’ve often found that there are things that I just need to address, vent about, or help people understand that I can’t do on my family blog spot page. So here it is. In this blog you will get to see an inside view of what life is like with Autistic twin boys and the struggles we encounter every day. You will also get to see a view of the struggles we endure with our oldest son who has Sensory Processing disorder and a bit of the heartache and fear we have with the newest Hodges addition Ellie, and her fine and gross motor delays. Also you will get an inside look of how it is for the whole family as well as occasional vents and blogs from a Dads perspective. So here goes. I hope this help clears up some of the misconceptions and the stress that is involved in raising kids with Autism or as the blog title states The good, the bad and the melts……